| SUBJECT : GOHAR |
[Aug. 30th, 2004|03:01 pm] |
Gohar.
she is my best friend, she is always there for me, whenever we get drunk she takes care of me and watches out for me like she is my mother, whenever im with gohar we have fun no matter what we are doing, i never trust anyone but i really know i can trust her. i love you to death gohar. we are mother fucking SOFU AND TOY bitch, haha without gohar my life would be so boring. i dont even know why we get along so well, its actaully kind of funny becuase we just randomly met i dont even remember exatly how. everytime i go on little adventures she is right there next to me. gohar seriously you are one of the sweetest and raddest girls i have ever met and i wouldnt trade you for anyone. its funny how fast we connected ive only known you for like a year. whnever i go somewhere and youre not with me its like im always telling whoever i am with that "i miss gohar" and everyone is always asking "wheres gohar" when they see me. its like you cant get ally without getting gohar too. and thats awesome. you are welcome at my house anytime you like and i will always be here for you. you can fucking come over without even telling me and just walk right in my house and eat all of our food if you want. i love how we just drive in my car and sing and dance the whole time and laugh everytime "slow motion" comes on because that means we are going to have a good day. and then when we are driving home from OC all late at night and you pass out, as soon as one of our songs come on your head like jets up and you start singing like you were awake the whole time. you lived at my house this whole weekend and now that youre not here and youre at home it seems like something is missing. haha seriously dude i would do anything for you. its funny how whenever we go to lestats everyone just watches us because they want us. so we go and stand on the corner and hold hands and hug and pretend were lesbians. haha we always make our appearances. there is not anyone i would rather take with me to OC. seriously i dont need a boyfriend or a guy or any of that shit, i only need my friends, meaning you gohar. we have so many memories and inside jokes its funny, and there are still thousands more to come. out of everyone i knew i never thaught you would be the one that i got closest to. its funny how we can just sit in a parking lot and just start talking about how what if guys man juices tasted like mexican candy.. AHAAHA. i love you girl and we are going to have a fun little adventure soon following the faint and shit. i will always be here for you. |
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| so im chilling |
[Aug. 30th, 2004|12:30 am] |
im at my grannys and im about to head home because i am fucking exhausted and i didnt get any sleep this weekend
me and gohar are getting married
we finish each others sentences its hot
its funny how i get over guys fast now
i thaught i liked him but the other night was weird
it was fun, dont get me wrong
but it just made me see that i dont want to be WITH him
i guess id just rather be friends?
if even that...
i dont even know why i changed my mind
he was being sweet as usual
maybe i just am realizing i dont need to be with anyone to be happy
i can be single and have just as much fun
guys are just like a bother and shit, if any of you know what i mean
maybe im just jumping to conclusions
maybe i DO like him im just confused?
or maybe i just need to hang out with him one on one?
this whole dating and relationship thing is overrated
im just tired of it... thats what my problem is
its like the same thing over and over again no matter how much i think its going to be different
or maybe im just scared
scared because i know in the end someone always gets hurt
and lately im always the one getting hurt
maybe its because im finally opening up my heart to people
so they take me for granted
well sorry hun.... im not opening up my heart this time
im just shutting you out
and locking myself up
i dont feel like replaying the whole ruben and sam break up bullshit all over again
when i can just make things so much easier and kick you out of my life right now...
rather than waiting until you either cheat on me or decide youre just plain sick of me
sooooo... i guess im giving up and taking the easy way out....
bye |
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| this weekend. |
[Aug. 29th, 2004|03:15 pm] |
what the fuuuuck.
okay friday.
people came over
drank.
drank.
drank.
went in the jacuzzi?
i fell out...
haha uhhhhhhhhhh
then yesterday went to see eriq and bryan
went to some chicks house.
drank more.
fuck all of you. |
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| hahahahhahaha |
[Aug. 26th, 2004|06:05 pm] |
im so awesome you guys are all jealous
im not quite pimp... yet.
i know people that actually LIKE me
and now i know people that have crushes on me
and im a mind reader
so i know you like me too
im loved, im happy, im dope, youre ugly. |
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| okay okay okay!!! |
[Aug. 26th, 2004|02:01 pm] |
so mother fucking i have decided
i am going to marry sebastian cole.
he proposed last night and yeah hes my fiance now.
what a sexy hunk of man
hes mine now bitches
dont complain... just go cry.
i love sebastian cole. <3333333333333333333333333333333
anyways, on another note.
yesterday i spent the day huddled up in the corner of my room watching movies. it was dope. all the girlie movies.
im going to again tonight.
i feel the need to go rent the movie virgin suicides and watch it again.
so yeah fuck you all
im dope as fuck
you know... the usual shit....
tomorrow will be dope im going to get faaaaaded.
me and gohar will be danicng to the sounds and the B52s all night long
regardless of who else is there i know i will have fun
oh yeah and once again fuck you all
<3
sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole sebastian cole
dont fight it bitches, just accept the truth.. |
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| soooooooooooooooooo fucking |
[Aug. 25th, 2004|03:45 pm] |
like okay.
yesterday was the cure.. fun times
monday me and ryan got faded in my room
friday everyone is getting shit faced at my house.
i have the house to myself this weekend
i just want to go to ontario on saturday
with gohar
and we will have fun with eriq bryan and that guy gohar has a crush on
dope as fuck
shitfaced weekend... here i come
too bad its only wednesday
life is getting more exciting
tonight im either hanging out with ryan
or justin
asian or alcohol?
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
hahhahahah ryan is dope
so is my new jacket.
fuck you allllll wooooooooooooooooooooooooooo |
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| fuuuuuuuck |
[Aug. 22nd, 2004|11:07 pm] |
shit son.
im mother fucking dope.
today was all this shit from the past wtf
like i saw people i hadent seen
called people i shouldnt have
got calls from people i never thaught would call
wtffffffffffff
haha all i did was turn in applications
then got two CDs: B52s and the sounds
then got gohar
then made fucking vegan mexican food mmmm
yeah we are going to have our vegan bbq soon
youre only invited if i tell you personally.
becuase its going to be dope like that.
me and gohar danced in my room today
i talked to ryan too ive been in such a good mood
sometimes im just angry and vicious and i take it out on him
when i shouldnt because hes dope..
im glad he lives with me
then when ruben called i was like WHAT THE FUUUUUCK
talking about voices from the past and shit.. hahaha...
well at least everything is cleared up no bullshit and shit.
i feel the need to like go home
and get a buzz
and smile
and laugh and dance then try to read my book then drink peppermint tea
talk to eriq then go to sleep
funny becuase thats what im saying i WANT TO DO
and i know thats exactly what im GOING TO DO.
i remember when me ryan gohar and ruben and everyone used to hang out
we havent in a long time
its lame how we all let somehting fucking STUPID like... me and rubens past.. get in the way.
friends are friends and im here for anyone thats willing to be there for me too.
so fucking.. uh... yeah
hahaha me and sams song came on
99 red ballooooooooooooons... what the fuck
fucking idiot dip shit motherfuck brown.. chicken of the sea.
i called and left the song on his message machine
he will never call back though, i know it
hes so predictable.
i dont care... if someone isnt going to be there for me i say...
FUCK THEM i only need the people that actually matter
the real friends
i need gohar.
and fucking x vegan x people
hahahahahahhaa
fuck gohar! no one understands us!!!
TVU KREW BITCH
i guess i just want to say
that to anyone out there.... reading this....
even if shit has happened between us in the past
even if its the worst shit in the world
i dont hold grudges... you can come to me
just pretend nothing ever happened
any of you are welcome to be my friend.. and i will be a good friend back to you
say i havent talked to you in months due to.. well anything that might have happened
you could randomly call me in like a week if you needed someone to talk to...
and i will be there for you guys... regardless of who you are
what you did
what i did
what happened between us
give me a call you guys.. i really mean it.
619 890 3915
even if i dont know you guys well if you ever need someone to like pick you up because youre drunk.. or someone to talk to because you just had your heart broken... or if youre just bored...
im here.
remember that.
im here.
xxx chicken of the sea xxx |
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| motherfuck |
[Aug. 22nd, 2004|02:07 pm] |
so like yesterday me and goharie went to go see the moving units at the glasshouse
i had so much fucking fun
we hung out with eriq and maat and everyone before
and haha...
and then like yeah fucking i danced the night away mea nd gohar were dancing up a storm
fucking i was all dancing with eriq
and random ass asian guys
i had so much fun
haha me and eriq slow danced were DOPE
i dont know hes not vegan enough huh gohar?
hahahha
dang and gohar i cant really hang out with you anymore... i think we need to breakup.. youre too dancey for me... you listen to indie
HAHAHA
dang eriq has the softest lips i swear
his lips feel like gohars hahahaha
not quite angel status.... but still
i didnt want to leave, but it was like 4 AM and we were sitting in front of eriqs house and we decided it was time to leave
but we were saying goodbye for a long time
and i was cold
and he gave me his jacket
it was the sweetest i love guys like that
i mean he was fucking freezing and he still gave me his jacket
eriq is my sweetheart<33 |
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| im sitting at gohars house |
[Aug. 20th, 2004|06:06 pm] |
and mother fucking wishing i had something to do
who wants to hang out and tear shit up
shes going salsa dancing
so i need to find soemthing to do
maybe ill cut and dye my hair and chop it all off
or i could just blast dance disaster movement and dance around my empty house
and clean my room
okie dokie
someone call my cell |
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| so like |
[Aug. 19th, 2004|10:44 pm] |
i went and got like 28 thousand applications tomorrow
turning them in tomorrow
better get calls back
better get at least a job
might go to che after that
i just want saturday to hurry and come
i want to go see the moving units with gohar
and dance with eriq
and shiiiiiiiiiiiiit <333 |
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| its funny |
[Aug. 18th, 2004|09:17 pm] |
its funny how over everything i am
like i am done with so much shit
im sick and tired of so much shit
im getting sick of doing the same things,
routines and shit.
like im out of high school.. its time to start my life
i cleaned out my closet
threw away practiically everything
im ready for new shit.
i dont want to be how i used to be.
i want a new room
im not messy anymore. im organized.
im tired of comming home and going on the computer
its boring to me now, nothing exciting.
fuck trying to work with relationships
im so young im going to meet so many people
i am growing and theres so much shit i need to do right now
tomorrow we are looking for jobs the whole day
sunday we are selling shit at the swap meet
today was going bad, and i needed to get out
so i decided it would be a nice day to spend alone
so i went to hillcrest, walked around alone
went shopping alone
then went to the living room and relaxed and drank coffee alone
tonight im going to make a margarita and get in my jacuzzi
then when i get out im going to read a book
and im going to wash my face
paint my nails
take a shower
cut my hair [by cut i mean trim]
im tired of how everything "is"
im ready for a new life a new me
im ready to get a job, save up money, take the trips with gohar that we always planned on, and go to school.
goodbye. |
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| mother fucking |
[Aug. 18th, 2004|10:02 am] |
so like last night duy came down
to hang out with me and the armenian
we had so many hugs
i missed him a lot
this saturday im going to go to the moving units
at glasshouse
and im going to mother fucking hang out with eriq
and were going to mother fucking dancedance
he loves me////////////
\\\\\\\\\\\i love gohar
puch really thaught i was mad at him its funny we were just fucking around
im tired i should go back to sleep
i need to go to ticketmaster today
p.s. i was the one worth leaving |
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| shopping |
[Aug. 16th, 2004|09:55 pm] |
you know whats fun??
SHOPPING.
i never get to do it enough, but now i have money.
so i spent today shopping.
half the time alone, the other half with gohar
i got a cute jacket
some cute shoes
and cute shirts
no jeans
im so picky about jeans
i cant shop for them
so i just wear the same three pairs every day.
im dope.
PLACES I AM GOING TO GO SOON:
a/ sacramento
.
.
.
.
.............................?
yeah i guess thats it, thats all im interested in.
MUHAHAHAHA.
well LA and shit but thats everyday shit.
oh..... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand......
ontario <3
ontario <3
ontario <3
duh. |
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| denial |
[Aug. 15th, 2004|03:01 pm] |
im in denial
i cant keep acting like miss tuff ladie and shit
what he did fucking hurt me
no one with a heart would have done that
im devastated
thats a dick thing to pull
perfect one second out of their life the next
you cant just ignore someone
you cant just stop calling
you cant just block them
im so hurt
i cant even eat
i made a quesadilla
after two bites im done
i dont even know whats wrong with me
he ruined me
i never thaught anything someone could do could hurt so bad
he didnt have the guts to tell me he wanted to break up
so instead he just starts seeing other people
and ignoring me
he was my fucking boyfriend
you dont do that shit
at least have the courtesy to TELL someone youre dumping them
being ignored and confused is so much worse
i just want to sleep
i dont even want to go anywhere
i didnt even think anything was that bad with us
why did i even get back with him
we went out.
he hurt me.
i was seeing other people.
then he wanted me back
i leave the other people to be with him
he tells me he loves me and "will not lose me again"
everything starts out great
he made me feel so special
called me all the time
sent me the cutest text messages ever
then he just changes his mind
decides he doesnt want a girlfriend afterall.. or at least not one named ally
so he stops calling
changes his status to single
starts seeing some new girl
ignores my phone calls
my messages
everything.
how could someone be so harsh
couldnt we have at least been friends
because you know its not easy to just lose someone you care about so much
somoene you used to see all the time
just... stop talking to them
stop seeing them
i dont want to get back with him
but his friendship would have been nice
then again who wants to be frinds with someone that hurt them that bad you know
i guess all those times i hurt guys in the past.. is finally catching up to me
the one guy i care for and leave people for and want to be with
hates me now.
apparently for no reason at all
we were going to move in together
and i was going to have a "sams cabinet drawer"
where he would keep his clothes
we planned to watch movies every night
and go to disneyland
if i said i dont miss him, then id be lying
if i said i didnt want him back, then id be lying
if i said i dont want to kiss him, id be lying
if i said i dont want to squeeze his rolls, id be lying
then again our whole relationship was based on lies
i guess i never really knew the real sam
never really knew how cold hearted he could be
everyone always told me he was an asshole
but i guess i was too into him to be able to tell
he always told me to trust him. i guess i have good reasoning to not trust him. maybe thats why i never did. he always was sketchy.
you know what sucks? being co-dependent
i have ot depend on other people to be happy
i wont be happy unless someone else makes me happy
i guess thats why i cant take being alone
i need a break from assholes for a while.
i need a break from all of this
it hurts to be alone, but its better than ever feeling this pain again.
someone make it go away.
beleive it or not after all this i still care for him i still hope he is happy
he is a very smart guy and hes going to go far in life
and if he isnt at the very top well then hes not reaching his full potential.
out of everyoen i know he always seemed the most hardworking
he is great at everything he does
he really does deserve happiness and i guess im just sad that im not the one that is allowed to give him the happiness.
he just erased me from his life.
1 2 3 bye. <<< thats what he did
i know he will be successful, i know he will be happy, i know he will marry someone that cares for him so much and if anyone thinks otherwise theyre so wrong
its funny how i could sit down right now and write out 7324287432 good things about sam, even though he did what he did.
im not going to hold a grudge. and if he ever needs someone i know ill be there for him if he gives me the chance.
he really meant a lot to me, and by meant i mean he still does mean a lot to me.
my mom could tell, she was holding me last night while i was spilling out my heart to her, im never open with my mom but i just needed someone to talk to so badley
she told me she could tell how much i cared about him just by the way i looked at him. she said guys usually dont even know how good the girls are that they have until they throw them away.
my moms boyfriend cheats on her all the time, but shes just like me, she takes it. over and over again.
it must run in our family
we must have some invisible signs above our heads saying "hey guys you can hurt us all you want and we are still not strong enough to turn our backs on you"
sam changed a lot of things for me.
i used to always think i had that special kiss with other people, you know the one that makes you tingle and you block out everything else. well i was wrong i never felt that until i kissed sam.
i used to always think that i felt that feeling when you found your "other half", well i was wrong.. i never felt that until the day i hugged sam
i used to always think i had been hurt the worst way possible, but i was wrong... i didnt feel that hurt until now.
regardless of whether or not you can tell, i am a very compassionate person. if i care about you id do almost anything for you.
like gohar for example i would do anything for that girl becuase shes always there forme when i need someone.
i have so much to offer someone, so does my mom.
i dont know what it is, maybe its all the tattoos and piercings that corrupted all my ex boyfriends.. maybe its time to look for something new.. someone pure. like napoleon dynamite.
as much as i would like to.. i would not ever be able to forget him, not only was he my prom date but he made me happier than anyone else ever had. even gohar could tell.
i guess i just wish i was stronger, thats something i really need to work on. only problem is that i dont know where to begin
its funny how one second it feels like everything fits together, like my life is going perfect, like im doing everything i want, like that last puzzle piece was just put in.
then.. that puzzle piece is taken out and im lost again.
someone help me |
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| i am dope as fuck |
[Aug. 15th, 2004|12:56 pm] |
got my snakebites
kind of dont like them
kind of do
im awesome
deal with it
everything has been erased from my mind
im back to the good old allypimpface
im dope as fuck
youre clearly not.
me and jafar hung out with clayface yesterday
i missed him. trying to be all tuff.
the hill in front of his house is perfect for sitting on each others laps and going down it.
his little brother was trying to kill me with his biketoycar whatever it was
me and gohar got bouncy balls thrown at our heads by his cousins the whole night.
his family is so adorable
i love how i went to his birthday dinner with only his famiy there but didnt feel uncomfortable
i had fun
we didnt get to go bowling though
when i hug him hes tiny like me and it makes me smile
why did i ever stop going to see him
oh yeah i was tied down
well fuck that being tied down shit.. well unless its in bed. haha kidding.
me and jafar miss hanging out with clay and everyone
i know were going to start doing it more often now
clay probably flat ironed his hair 981273987123 times yesterday
cuteness
i love jafar
we owe him a birthday present
i talk to my mom tonight about when im going to move and shit
its going to be soon
im happy/////////////////////////////
not only about moving but i feel... i dont know.. i feel.. like im back to my old self.
back to being ally dope as fuck better than you
fuuuuuuuuuck youre all so jealous
is he really leaving for tour?
i dont know.. or care.
oh yeah ps fuck pussies |
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| yeah |
[Aug. 9th, 2004|01:43 am] |
i have a bunch of pictures from the last few weeks and i was about to upload them... but i cant find my camera.
gosh darn leprachauns stole it i swear.
anyways i just got home from saaaaaam's house.
i love him.
today was a really awesome day and he made me smile like the whole time. thats the way things SHOULD be.
all i want is to see him happy.
i love my friends.
i love gohar
gohar tell the leprachauns to give me back my mother fucking DIGITAL CAMERA....
ajshdajshdasd
q$2134@#$@#$
4#@$@#42356
546^%&^%*
<3 |
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| soooo |
[Aug. 6th, 2004|01:38 pm] |
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what the fuck? |
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| samuel |
[Jul. 28th, 2004|01:22 pm] |
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i miss my sam. i miss his kisses. i miss his hugs. i miss how everytime he hugs me my back cracks. i miss him spinning me around and begging me not to bite him. and how he kisses my neck. and how he has squish. and how i like to squeeze his rolls. and how he cut his hair even though i told him not to. and how hes cheeks are so squishy. and how his back is so soft. i miss how he looks with his shirt off. i miss him holding me as we fall asleep... and i miss not even falling asleep at all.... and i miss his little studs that i kiss. and i miss his little smile. i miss my baby and i just talked to him like 30 minutes ago but i miss him again. and i love how he is so sweet that he is getting me something in every state while he is on tour. and im going to get him rainbow things in san fran. i dont want to leave to san fran tomorrow knowing that if i was at home, i could be holding him. samuel orlando cividanis you make me so happy. you are mine. muah <3 |
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